My Swarovski Must-Havs

I had a dreadful week, healthwise. I had a bad cold, an incubating cough, and a persistent asthma. I still went to the office, of course, but was a regular visitor at the clinic. I went every morning, to get my daily dose of drugs, and it was like plugging an Energizer battery into my body. I worked nonstop, finishing all my deliverables by 3pm, after which my brain shuts off. My body is still awake, but my head wouldn't cooperate. So I just stayed at my post, answering harmless emails (keeping the real ones for the following day), and generally waiting for 5pm to come rolling in. After 5pm, I head straight to the mall to buy two or three Christmas gifts, a Starbucks frappe (yes, I'm trying to complete the blue card for a planner), then head home in time for my medicine intake. And that's where I stay in brainless state (watching Marimar and playing Sims on my laptop) until sleep claims me. But with my medicines and vitamins, I'm up by 5am, and I really mean "up". I manage to get a round of aerobics done and a few household chores before I finally prepare for work, then a brisk walk to Starbucks to get my morning latte, and I'm working at my desk by 630am.

My boyfriend's morning texts usually still finds me in bed, but during that week, I was already halfway through my TO DO list when he greets me a good morning. Knowing that I was sick, he became suspicious that I might be meeting someone else at the office. I had to explain what I was taking and what the effects are, before he finally believed that I wasn't having a rendezvous with Tom or whoever. He was really sweet and made it up to me that weekend.

We watched Beowulf (although I knew that he didn't like movies of that sort) and he let me gush over Neil Gaiman's name during the credits. He went with me to all my favorite stores, letting me try on whatever dress that took my fancy, although he knew that I was just trying them on and was not really planning to buy. He even pointed out some boutiques that I might be interested to check out instead of being a complete male (i.e. allergic to shopping). He treated me to ice cream and coffee, without mentioning my diet even once. Best of all, he wanted to buy a new pair of Geox but I asked him for a pair of Swarovski Havaianas, so he bought me the blue pair I was hankering for, even if he had to forego buying his own shoes. You may be sure I modeled my new flip-flops with pride.

But then again, his indulgence might have something to do with me allowing him to do a dollar-shot on me, even when I told him that I'm not allowing any contact that weekend (in case he gets my cold virus).

Emotional Rollercoaster

The first week of November was an emotional rollercoaster for me.

I was ecstatic when my boyfriend stayed over during the long weekend... but was down in the doldrums every ten minutes or so when his wife wouldn't stop calling. We hardly had time to bond.

One evening, he was extra sweet, asking me what time I was supposed to go home, that I should take care, etc. And then I read a missent text message (supposedly for his wife) sending his love and kisses.

Both instances were such a big blow (my chest ached terribly) that I cried and cried for days. I know what you're going to say. I went into this relationship with both eyes open and I should know that this comes with the territory.

I know, and I agree with that. I even agree that he should love his wife. I have accepted my position and I know where I stand. But acceptance and living it are two different things. I will not complain, nor will I hate his wife, nor him for loving her, but it doesn't mean that I can stop hurting either. I will not be a homebreaker, but nor will I deny my breaking heart.